Monday, September 21, 2015

Romance for singles and how to meet your mate by accident

Romance and relationships, in my opinion, are not to be found in the local meat market. Maybe you get lucky with a one-night stand that leads to more, but most likely not.

I’m not an outgoing person. I'm reserved and friendly to those who know me, but I’m not the type to put myself out there. But I’m married. I’m not single. I was horrible at being single. So how did I find my partner? By accident, when I was least expecting it, on a trip to Morocco. Have I mentioned how much I love to travel?

Okay, so why is a married woman giving advice to single people on romance? Because romance is not just for people in relationships.

It’s for everyone. Single, married, poly, dating, etc.

First piece of advice: Do what you enjoy. Find activities that interest you. If you're into wine, join a wine club. If you're into books, go to book signings. If you're into art, go to gallery showings. If you love to travel, do it. More outdoorsy? Join a hiking or biking club. Sports lover? Go to games or join and adult league sports team. Romantic film buff? Search and find those old movie showings in the park or at your local theatre. Enjoy gaming or cosplay? Find a group in your area and embrace your geek.

See where I’m going with this. Instead of spending your time at bars, waiting to pick up your next regret, get out there and do the things YOU love. Engage in activities or hobbies that interest you. Don’t spend your weekends mopping around the house because you don’t have a date. Go do something. Enjoy yourself. You'll find others that share your interests and have a lot of fun.

Second piece of advice: Self-love is key. Yes, making sure you have the tools or toys to keep yourself satisfied while you wait for the love of your life to appear and rock your world is helpful. But I’m talking about taking time to love yourself in other ways. Pamper yourself. Take a sensual bath. Go get a massage. Get your hair or nails done. Doll yourself up. Treat yourself to an expensive dinner out and take a book to read if you’re self-conscious about sitting alone in a fancy restaurant. Enjoy a nice glass of wine or a cocktail. Take a cab home. Why do you need a date to go out for a nice dinner?

Third piece of advice: Value yourself. Confident, happy people are sexy. Don’t sell yourself short. If you’re a list maker, make a list of your positives. Leave out all the negatives and focus on the things that make you the awesome person you are. Hold your head up and smile. Be friendly and be yourself. No one likes a phony. Sincerity goes a long way.

I was born and raised in San Francisco, CA, and have a husband and two children. Music is an addiction. I can often be found in the car, singing along at the top of my lungs to whatever is playing. I work full time, and I split my spare time between family, reading, blogging, and writing. I’m a habitual quoter. Lines from films and TV shows constantly pop into my head—my kids are the only ones that really get it. I’m an only child, and so of course I married a man who is one of ten children. Other than English, I speak Spanish, Moroccan, and a little French. I love to travel, but don’t do enough of it. Reading has been a passion for most of my life and I now love writing. I’m klutz, and in my own mind, I’m hilarious.

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  1. Totally agree! Love yourself. And a lot of the items in your first bullet points work if you're married too. Doing things you love with the one you love creates romance. Great blog!

  2. I agree. It's easy to get caught up in work and paying the bills. Thanks for reading.

  3. Very much in agreement!! I see so many people struggling to find love, but it's because they're looking in all the wrong places... aka where they think they will find it, but not where they are happy!

  4. Right. I had been single for quite a while before I met my husband and it was only when I stopped looking, and started concentrating on myself, that I found him. Thanks for reading.