Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Healing Heartbreak - Take Two

There’s more to healing a broken heart than, “get over it.” I admit, my previous post, Healing Heartbreak, was slightly rushed. I can only say that I was sucked into a Harry Potter marathon weekend, on top of pumpkin picking, and an award ceremony for my daughter. It was a bit brief. Let’s dive in a little more, shall we…

One thing I want to make perfectly clear: Loving yourself is number one. Loved ones should lift you up, not bring you down. That means stepping away from a relationship that is not good for you.

How do I define an unhealthy relationship?

·         Do you compromise your morals?

·         Are you constantly trying to change yourself into what you believe is your partner’s ideal?

·         Does it seem as if you are constantly asking for more from this person than they are unwilling to give?

·         Have you lost sight of your own goals and dreams?

·         Do you only know who you are when with your partner?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a fan of all-consuming love and the kind of love that makes your world complete. I’m a romance novelist, for crying out loud. What I’m not okay with is putting someone else’s feelings so far ahead of your own that you lose yourself.

Whatever the reason for the breakup, in my opinion, the best way to get over someone is to get back to yourself. Let’s reverse the damage.

·         Figure out what your boundaries are. What’s your moral high-ground and what are your limits.

·         Discover your beauty. It’s easy to start spouting off what we perceive as our flaws. Instead, make a list of things you love about yourself. Fall in love with you again. It’s okay to be a bit of a narcissist. You should absolutely love yourself for who you are.

·         Understand the difference between giving and receiving love. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be on the receiving end. You’re not being greedy. You’re being honest.

·         Remember the things outside a relationship that make you happy. Make a now-list, not a bucket list. Start checking things off this list now. Take that class you’ve been thinking about. Learn a new language. Travel. Go to the museum. Do what brings you joy. Remember who you are.

·         Be confident in who you are as a person. What makes you tick? What do you like? What annoys you?

I’ve said it before; confidence is sexy. Relationships come with their own set of compromises: A compromise on who makes dinner or where we go for the holidays this year. These are normal. Do not compromise your very being. You want someone who loves the real you.
So, figure you out. Find yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself. You will get over it and find you have a lot more to offer than you thought.

What is the best advice you can give for getting over heartbreak?

I was born and raised in San Francisco, CA, and have a husband and two children. Music is an addiction. I can often be found in the car, singing along at the top of my lungs to whatever is playing. I work full time, and I split my spare time between family, reading, blogging, and writing. I’m a habitual quoter. Lines from films and TV shows constantly pop into my head—my kids are the only ones that really get it. I’m an only child, and so of course I married a man who is one of ten children. Other than English, I speak Spanish, Moroccan, and a little French. I love to travel, but don’t do enough of it. Reading has been a passion for most of my life and I now love writing. I’m klutz, and in my own mind, I’m hilarious.

Signup to join My Dream Team: http://eepurl.com/bjAzz1

No comments:

Post a Comment