Debunking Sexy

What is sexy on screen or in books doesn’t always translate in real life. I’m in favor of sweet and spicy romance in fictional and real life, but some things may be best left to fiction. Number one example: Shower sex. If you’ve done it, you know that it’s much more erotic to think about than the contortions we have to assume to make that act possible in such a small space. Doesn’t mean I think we all shouldn’t still keep striving for perfection though.

But what about the little things…

Biting the lip: This little tidbit of body language is often expressed in books or films to portray a demure flirtation, shy hesitation, or sense of thinly veiled desire. I’ve never been a lip biter, or so I thought. This morning, while walking to the train station, I realized I am a lip biter. Except I bite my lip in the morning because of allergies. I wake with a stuffy nose most days. I become a brisk-walking mouth-breather in the morning. I can’t breathe through my nose until after 10am. Not very sexy.

Lathering up in the shower: We’ve all seen those shampoo commercials and scenes in films in which the woman or man rubs mounds of soapy bubbles over their bodies. A tantalizing invitation for any spectator to join them in the above mentioned awkward shower sex. Yes, I’ve done this when my husband has happened to walk into the bathroom while I’m showering. He’s also done it to me. Sometimes, it pays off, but most of the time we just laugh at each other. Because the reality is most of us only truly enjoy our shower time by standing under the warm spray, shoulders hunched like zombies. We lather, rinse, stand lifeless as water pours over our tired bodies, and then repeat before begrudgingly turning off the water and going through the tedious efforts of drying off. Not very sexy.

The blush: Why is it when a man accuses a woman of blushing on film, her cheek never actually changes color? I’m a blusher. I’ve spent years trying to control it. It does not look like petals blooming on my alabaster skin. Nope. It’s more lobster meets tomato meets worst sunburn ever. Never subtle and usually unpredictable. It will overtake me at the most inopportune moments; like speaking in public. It’s very difficult to deal with in a professional setting. Yes, it prevents me from lying because I’m too easy to read. But cute? Demure? Sexy it is not.

So sexy in fiction is not always sexy in real life. Do I write about shower sex? Yes. My Sunset Dreams Series includes more than one steamy shower scene. Hey, I did say we should all keep striving.

Have a good example of something that’s perceived sexy in fiction, but in real life sucks? Leave a comment.

I was born and raised in San Francisco, CA, and have a husband and two children. Music is an addiction. I can often be found in the car, singing along at the top of my lungs to whatever is playing. I work full time, and I split my spare time between family, reading, blogging, and writing. I’m a habitual quoter. Lines from films and TV shows constantly pop into my head—my kids are the only ones that really get it. I’m an only child, and so of course I married a man who is one of ten children. Other than English, I speak Spanish, Moroccan, and a little French. I love to travel, but don’t do enough of it. Reading has been a passion for most of my life and I now love writing. I’m klutz, and in my own mind, I’m hilarious.

 

Find me and my books at http://www.yoursweetandspicyromanceauthor.com/

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Romance for singles and how to meet your mate by accident

Romance and relationships, in my opinion, are not to be found in the local meat market. Maybe you get lucky with a one-night stand that leads to more, but most likely not.

I’m not an outgoing person. I'm reserved and friendly to those who know me, but I’m not the type to put myself out there. But I’m married. I’m not single. I was horrible at being single. So how did I find my partner? By accident, when I was least expecting it, on a trip to Morocco. Have I mentioned how much I love to travel?

Okay, so why is a married woman giving advice to single people on romance? Because romance is not just for people in relationships.

It’s for everyone. Single, married, poly, dating, etc.

First piece of advice: Do what you enjoy. Find activities that interest you. If you're into wine, join a wine club. If you're into books, go to book signings. If you're into art, go to gallery showings. If you love to travel, do it. More outdoorsy? Join a hiking or biking club. Sports lover? Go to games or join and adult league sports team. Romantic film buff? Search and find those old movie showings in the park or at your local theatre. Enjoy gaming or cosplay? Find a group in your area and embrace your geek.

See where I’m going with this. Instead of spending your time at bars, waiting to pick up your next regret, get out there and do the things YOU love. Engage in activities or hobbies that interest you. Don’t spend your weekends mopping around the house because you don’t have a date. Go do something. Enjoy yourself. You'll find others that share your interests and have a lot of fun.

Second piece of advice: Self-love is key. Yes, making sure you have the tools or toys to keep yourself satisfied while you wait for the love of your life to appear and rock your world is helpful. But I’m talking about taking time to love yourself in other ways. Pamper yourself. Take a sensual bath. Go get a massage. Get your hair or nails done. Doll yourself up. Treat yourself to an expensive dinner out and take a book to read if you’re self-conscious about sitting alone in a fancy restaurant. Enjoy a nice glass of wine or a cocktail. Take a cab home. Why do you need a date to go out for a nice dinner?

Third piece of advice: Value yourself. Confident, happy people are sexy. Don’t sell yourself short. If you’re a list maker, make a list of your positives. Leave out all the negatives and focus on the things that make you the awesome person you are. Hold your head up and smile. Be friendly and be yourself. No one likes a phony. Sincerity goes a long way.

I was born and raised in San Francisco, CA, and have a husband and two children. Music is an addiction. I can often be found in the car, singing along at the top of my lungs to whatever is playing. I work full time, and I split my spare time between family, reading, blogging, and writing. I’m a habitual quoter. Lines from films and TV shows constantly pop into my head—my kids are the only ones that really get it. I’m an only child, and so of course I married a man who is one of ten children. Other than English, I speak Spanish, Moroccan, and a little French. I love to travel, but don’t do enough of it. Reading has been a passion for most of my life and I now love writing. I’m klutz, and in my own mind, I’m hilarious.

Signup to join My Dream Team: http://eepurl.com/bjAzz1

Find me and all my books at http://www.yoursweetandspicyromanceauthor.com/

 

How to find the romance that's missing in your relationship

What does romance mean exactly and how can I find it?

Well, romance is different for everyone. What I find romantic may cause you to gag and vice versa. But the point is to find and implement those romantic ideas into your own relationships or lives.

Why?

Because… in my opinion, love is the meaning of life; to love and be loved. Love is what makes the world go round. You could have money, fame, intelligence, but it all means nothing, again in my opinion, without love.

Love comes in many forms: Love between children and parents, brothers and sisters, our fellow human beings, pets, etc. There is also love for my country, the earth, the wonder that is the universe, and of course self-love.

However, today I’ll be talking about that oh-so-hard-to-find relationship love, between two adults, or more if you are poly amorous. It alludes many people and seems that only a few are lucky enough to find true love; the kind in movies and romance novels.

Romance is not hard to create or find. It all comes down to thoughtfulness. Putting your partner’s needs and feelings above your own. Bring flowers home just because. Give an unsolicited massage or foot rub. Light some candles. Take a drive to gaze at the stars. Cook a sexy meal and eat dessert off of each other.

Take time to observe your partner in a casual setting. On a daily bases, it’s so easy to complain about all the little things that drive us crazy. But what about the reasons you fell in love with that person? If you’re a list maker, make a list, and then tell your partner all the reasons you love them. In a relationship that has expired its “new” stage, like my marriage of fifteen years, it’s important to remember why you chose this person to begin with.

For example: I was at a birthday party recently with my husband. He is very outgoing. The kind of guy that knows everyone and everyone knows. I’m not. I’m friendly to those I’m acquainted with, but much more reserved in social settings than he is. I certainly wouldn’t call myself outgoing by any means. I mingled and talked to those I knew. I played with my nephews and watched my son swimming. At one point, I sat down and observed my husband as he laughed and talked to a few of his friends. He was freaking hot as hell in his element. So handsome and his smile made me light up just watching him. He didn’t notice, but on the way home I told him I had been watching him. When he asked why, I let him know that I was fascinated by how exuberant he was and so damn sexy. It made his day.

On the flip side, my husband is one of those that calls constantly. He doesn’t like to be alone, unlike me who covets my alone time. So when he’s bored, he calls me. At work, at home. All the time. It drives me nuts. I spend most of my time at the day job on the phone, and I can’t stand phone calls. But he never gets tired of calling. Now, I try my best to see it for what it is; not only a cure for his boredom, but that he’s thinking of me and wants to connect. Still frustrates me to all hell, especially when I’m busy, but I love him for the attention. He reinforces this during our time alone by telling me he’s not sure what I’ve done to him, but he can’t get enough of me. Makes me feel like the luckiest woman on earth.

Romance is easy to come by. Stop looking at the negatives and focus on the positives. Take time to focus on your partner’s needs and don’t forget to tell them why you love them. It’s the most romantic thing in the world to hear why someone loves you.

 

I was born and raised in San Francisco, CA, and have a husband and two children. Music is an addiction. I can often be found in the car, singing along at the top of my lungs to whatever is playing. I work full time, and I split my spare time between family, reading, blogging, and writing. I’m a habitual quoter. Lines from films and TV shows constantly pop into my head—my kids are the only ones that really get it. I’m an only child, and so of course I married a man who is one of ten children. Other than English, I speak Spanish, Moroccan, and a little French. I love to travel, but don’t do enough of it. Reading has been a passion for most of my life and I now love writing. I’m klutz, and in my own mind, I’m hilarious.

 

You can find me and all my books at www.jennifersenhajiauthor.com

 

Signup to join My Dream Team: http://eepurl.com/bjAzz1